Week 695: Dead Letters


The news hit hard,
like a punch from a fist.
Mickey Spillane is gonna be missed.

As we kick the door closed on the year 2006, it's time once again to do
the same to those who have kicked their last. This week: Write a poem
about someone who died in 2006. As always, poems of more than four lines
must be worth the extra space they're printed on.

Winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First
runner-up gets a pocket-size book of "Zig Ziglar's Favorite Quotations,"
a collection of motivational sayings that almost rise to the level of
platitude, such as "We don't pay the price for success, we pay the price
for failure." Ooh.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt.
Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called that week) get one of the
lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week.
Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to
202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Jan. 8. Put "Week 695" in the subject
line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your
name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are
judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the
property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or
content. Results will be published Jan. 28. No purchase required for
entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives,
are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified.
This week's prize was donated by Sushant Sagar of Centreville. The
revised title for next week's contest was sent by Martin Bancroft.

Report From Week 691 in which we sought clever and funny clues for all 76 words in an actual
crossword that ran in The Post Nov. 18, created by bigshot puzzle author
Paula Gamache, who'd already included some funny puns in her originals.

The Empress received the most entries she'd ever gotten in a single
contest -- more than 6,000 (many people decided to try all 76 words) --
but nobody came up with a very good clue for "roc" or "nail." So we
turned to Paula herself. She wins a magnet.

(We've included the winner and runners-up below, rather than show them
out of order.)

ACROSS

1. ANGST: Director Lee's emotion upon seeing the box office returns for
"Hulk" (Benjamin Cooper, Springfield)

6. ASIA: Response to "Where can I find some good Chinese food?" (Richard
Wong, Derwood)

10. BBLS: Bacon, braunschweiger, lettuce and sardine sandwich (Barbara
Turner, Takoma Park)

14. First runner-up, winner of the dog desserts: TAUPE: It is to "male"
as "infield fly rule" is to "female" (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)

15. REDS: First the left wing, now the right wing (Fred Dawson,
Beltsville)

16. ELAN: Articles in two languages (several entries)

17. KILLERBEET: He slays 'em on the Borscht circuit (Tom Witte,
Montgomery Village; Chris Doyle, Kihei, Hawaii)

19. AUDI: What Lt. Murphy read on his Medal of Honor that made him send
it back. (Bill Moulden, Frederick)

20. Second runner-up: ALPINE: What Scarlett said when Rhett told her he
was leaving. (Thomas J. Murphy, Bowie; Drew Bennett, Alexandria)

21. ROADTEST: Carjacker's lamest alibi (Arlee C. Green, Newington)

23. TALC: Stone in a celebrity's eternity ring (Martin Bancroft,
Rochester)

25. III: How Terrell Owens spells "team" (Charles Trahan, Jessup)

26. SLAP: Reverse a friendship (Ned Bent, Oak Hill)

29. SUPERSTART: Clark Kent's sperm (Ari Unikoski, Tel Aviv)

35. HOMES: Detective who got the L out of there. (Mel Loftus, Holmen,
Wis.)

37. ROREM: Composer best known for his appearance in crosswords (Rick
Muenchow, Bethesda)

38. DER: Opposite of under (Elwood Fitzner)

39. The winner of the Inker: ISIAH: Thomas à Bucket (Chris Doyle)

40. Fourth runner-up: FDR: A squished-up hat (Toby Gottfried, Santa Ana,
Calif.)

41. ASONE: That dam in Egypt -- D. Quayle (Jeff Miller, Brookeville)

43. FEN: With 38 Across, what kept Jimi Hendrix from being just some guy
who mumbled (Jerry Miatech, Falls Church)

44. EIEIO: How they answer the phone at the East Indian Energy
Independence Organization (Todd Carton, Wheaton)

46. LORDS: Polytheist paean: Praise the ___! (Julie Thatcher, Fairfax)

47. TROJANWART: Why Paris is burning (Gerard Zarchin, Annapolis)

50. FESS: Coonskin hat worn by Shriners (Larry Yungk, Arlington)

51. ETS: The folks who SAT on your college dreams (Kevin Dopart,
Washington)

52. SEAT: One of the few places where Britney Spears doesn't have enough
coverage (Tom Galgano, Bowie)

54. BIGSHOTS: With 19 Across, Prince Bandar, e.g. (Brendan Beary, Great
Mills)

59. RESCUE: With 54 Across, Bush's domestic policy (Cy Gardner, Arlington)

63. ERAT: Borat's techie brother (Phil Frankenfeld, Washington)

64. FRYINGPANT: The Oven Glove's less successful competitor (Dennis
Lindsay, Seabrook)

66. DAZE: Stage C after "Shock" and "Awe" (Irving Shapiro, Rockville)

67. AINT: Are you learning much in your home-schooling? (Jay Shuck,
Minneapolis)

68. IONIC: A column that just predates Art Buchwald's (Barbara Turner)

69. SEAR: They've downsized the department store so much they had to
change its name (numerous entries)

70. ROCS: Phoenix relatives (Paula Gamache, Rye, N.Y.)

71. STETS: Puts a cowboy hat back on (Chris Doyle)

DOWN

1. ATKA: Text message during a prison riot (Jay Shuck)

2. NAIL: Item to be filed (Paula Gamache, Rye, N.Y.)

3. GULP: Plug up (Valerie Matthews, Ashton; Ross Elliffe, Picton, New
Zealand)

4. SPLITPEA: Lunch for two fashion models (Russell Beland, Springfield)

5. TEENA:"Smells-a Like-a ____ Spirit-a," the Nirvana song covered by
Lawrence Welk (Ir-a Allen, Bethesd-a)

6. ARB: Reversible undergarment (Michael Baker, Columbia)

7. SEER: One who trades in futures (Vic Fleming, Little Rock)

8. IDEO: Direct to DVD, a documentary on the life of Freud (Bob Kopac,
Poughkeepsie, N.Y.)

9. ASTAIRE: What the Thin Man received after he had his dog fixed (Chuck
Smith, Woodbridge)

10. BEATIT: "Closed" sign at a brothel (Ben Schwalb, Severna Park)

11. BLUE: Waiting to exhale (Vic Fleming)

12. LADS: Sex objects. -- M. Foley, Palm Beach Gardens, Fla.) (Chris
Doyle)

13. SNIT: Angry people can be found in one (Rick Muenchow)

18. RELS: Bottom of the barrels (several entrants)

22. DISMAL: State of conditions in Iraq if they were to improve markedly
(Drew Bennett)

24: CURFEW: WWI ace Fudd: "_______, Wed Bawon!" (Jerry Ewing, Orlando)

26. SHIFT: The key to the capital (Judith Cottrill, New York)

27. LOSER: Anyone who spends a week working on a crossword puzzle with
the answers already filled in (Brendan Beary)

28. AMINO: The acid-tongued Marx Brother (Phyllis Reinhard, East
Fallowfield, Pa.)

30. PODIA: They're pushing up daises (Chris Doyle)

31. ERRORS: Even if immigration restrictions are liberalized, the Bush
administration will refuse to admit these. (John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.)

32. ADORE: Worship at Jim Morrison's grave (Michael Baker)

33. RENDS: Breaks into tears (Chris Doyle)

34. TRESS: Hair on a flying but (Creigh Richert, Aldie, Va.)

36. SHEATH: Castilian pronunciation for poop (Sue Lin Chong, Baltimore)

42. SOFTSPOT: Where you're not allowed to poke the baby (Daniel Bahls,
Brighton, Mass.)

45. Third runner-up: INSOFAR: With 42 Down, before- and after-Viagra
nicknames. (Kerry Humphrey, Woodbridge)

48. JESTER: Class clown at Shirley U. (Chris Doyle)

49. TERN: What fans of the Byrds do three times to every thing (Jeff
Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

53. AEGIS: "To ___ own," Athena said to Zeus (Kevin Dopart; Phil
Frankenfeld)

54. BEDS: With 15 Across, Castro convertibles (Chris Doyle)

55. IRAE: Roman retirement accounts (Kevin Dopart)

56. GAZA: Strip noted for its bombshells (Rick Muenchow)

57. TRIO: Harry Belafonte's new calypso song to commemorate Arbor Day
(Jeff Miller; Ira Allen)

58. SYNC: What Lance Bass's career did after he came out (Jeff Brechlin;
Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)

60. CANE: Nursing home support staff (Vic Fleming)

61. UNIT: How to call someone a louse via text message (Donna Mountfort,
Biglerville, Pa.)

62. ETCS: Lousy grades at Alien U. (several entries)

65. ITS: Oobs. (Jim Lubell, Mechanicsville, Md.)

Next Week: Reinkernation, or Threecycling